I thought it was a right choice to give you the key to my secret writings. I thought that perhaps if I pour my heart onto the paper, I might provoke you to be honest with me too. And I did, to a certain extent. Truth be told, not as much as I hoped.
At first you opened up, and from what I could see tried to reach me, and change things for the better, but past few days, you have been your old self. cold, distant. caved in, unapproachable.
I try to be understanding, accepting, compromising, but there is a limit to that too. Humans are not made to be only giving and not receiving anything in return. I have tried, and I can do it for some time, but can't build my life on shatters of previous relationships, neither yours nor mine.
I can't and I wont't compete with anyone who held a dear spot in your heart before me.
I don't deserve to be punished for someone's behaviour or attitude. I am not punishing you for what other people did to me, so why does it feel like I am being punished?
Please understand that this heart of mine is a tender one, and either take it or leave it, because if it breaks once again, none of us will have any use of it.
I have decided to write a separate blog because I am having a heart time writing honestly, and knowing that you can access. Therefore, if I ever again feel you need to know how I really feel, I will link the two.
tvb
